Recharging my outlook...

As I stated a few posts ago this past May I turned 60. Now when I was in College back in the early 70's I thought 60 was a long way off and I had plenty of time to do many things I wanted to do. Little did I know that the golden age of 60 would arrive so soon and without notice. In some ways I have been depressed with regrets of things that might have been, or what I could have done different but as we all know hind sight is always better that fore sight. Last Sunday Morning our Pastor and his family shared about their recent nearly 3 weeks mission trip to Kenya. This trip is one I had originally planned to go on but due to the quick change of schedule and some health issues as well as some financial restraints I decided not to go. My daughter Rachel had planned to go also and began to raise money to go even got her plane tickets and was progressing towards going. God had a different plan though as her husband and her had been trying to have a child for 5 years even going to specialists to find out why they could not. Just 5 weeks before the trip to Africa she found out she was expecting and because of the shots required to go to that part of the world; she felt it would not be wise to risk even though slight would not be worth it. She did not go to Africa. As the Pastor and his family shared stories and videos of their trip I had tears running down my cheeks as I have always had a heart for missions. You see 20 years ago next month I went on the first of 3 missions trip to Juarez Mexico and ministered in several churches, orphanages, at the Dump area where some very poor people live as well as street ministry and parks. My son Jonathan is now ministering in some of the same places I did 20 years ago going over several times a month from hos home in El Paso, TX. All these things have sparked in me a desire to go again to Juarez with my son and daughter (who is fully fluent in Spanish) to minister and then possibly to the Dominican Republic to help some missionaries I know there and then I would still like to go to Africa and minister also. Goals I know are big but I serve a Big God who is Lord of the seemingly Impossible!

Living Life to the Fullest
     I just had lunch with my oldest Son at one of our favorite places to eat for some good old fashion down home cooking the Dixie Pig in Abilene, TX.   I wanted to take him out for his birthday which is Sunday (he will be 29) and he thinks he is old!  While he was on his way to meet me his ex-wife called and asked if she could drop off his two kids to spend some time with him.  So I not only got to have lunch with my Son but also two of my Grand Kids!  Now I think I am the one who got the treat!  Not only are kids a gift from God but Grand kids are even more special!  I am so thankful for the family God has given me!  I have not always thought like that but as I get older I realize Family is the best support group you can have.  I plan on spending as much time with my Family as I can from now on out!  

New Beginnings

     It has been quite awhile since I have written in this Blog.  There has been many changes in my life in the last two years and it seems that change lately has been the only constant!  After the loss of both my parents in a very short time and now seeing all my children over 21 and on their own with the exception of the youngest son who is living with us for a short time,  I have been reflecting on all the things I have done in my life and all the things I still want to do.
      This past May I turned 60 and while I don't feel old it does cause one to ponder what you want to do with the rest of your life.  I started doing Substitute Teaching in the fall of 2010 and worked about 50 percent of the school days and then this last school year which just concluded I ended up working almost 95 percent of the school days and could have done more if I had not had to take some days off for rest and personal matters.  I still work a night job at 7-11 and so when working all day at school then going right to work I end up working about 16 hours a day with little time to sleep. 
     My health has been an issue this year with the cellulitis in my leg has been causing open sores and infected most of the year with a constant battle with antibiotics and bandaging an a regular basis.  I have battled weight and have been working on giving up on fatty fried foods and eating more vegetables and juicing as much as possible.  I plan to begin a juice fast for a few days in July when many local vegetables and fruits come into season and will be readily available,
     My goals are many such as loosing 100 lbs this next year and strengthen my legs and be able to do some short term missionary work to Mexico with my Son and Daughter who have both been working some in Juarez Mexico going to some of the some locations I ministered 20 years ago this summer!  I also have a goal to go to the Dominican Republic to help a Missionary Friend I know and hopefully be able to go to Kenya Africa in 2013.  I missed going this year because of health issues.
     I believe God will help in providing the funds and health to minister in these countries and will provide enough income so that I will not have to work two jobs any longer.  Until next time...Steve

Memories of the Holiday Season

     Since the deaths of both my Mom and Dad this last winter my emotions have been on a roller coaster.  There are days when I wish I could once again pick up the phone and call; just to hear their voices again.  They are gone and life moves on. 
     As the weather in Texas starts to get a little cooler, Football is in full swing with the High School playoffs beginning this week and Stores are stocking up anticipating the coming Holiday season, my mind begins to search the memories of growing up.  I grew up in Northeast Kansas in a small town during a time when life was simpler.  Many of the holiday treats were homemade and Family Gatherings were a collective effort Food and fun for all.  Sometime in the Early days of fall my Mom would begin the ritual of making lots of Homemade Candies and Holiday Cookies that would be stored carefully away in the freezer until the Holidays began.  Many a day I would arrive home with my 4 siblings to the smell of freshly made treats hoping Mom would save a least a little taste for each of us.  Most of the time there would be a small sampling for us to share. 
     Then beginning with Thanksgiving week the Holiday Season would begin.  There would be pies and rolls  to bake and there is nothing better than the aroma of a fresh Homemade baked goods as they bake to perfection.  My Mom was a great cook!  The jello salads would be made and the list of supplies needed for Thanksgiving dinner would be checked and purchased because back in those days it was unheard of any store being open on Thanksgiving. 
      Thanksgiving was many times spent with my Dad's side of the family.  Mom and Aunt Betty and Aunt Betty Mae along with Grandma would begin the Turkey and Dressing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes and various other dishes all homemade.  My Dad and Uncle Frank would take my younger brother Mike, cousin Frankie and me to hunt Quail in the Northeast Kansas farmlands.  We would get up before the sun would rise and many times would sit along the road in our pickup sipping hot chocolate and coffee waiting for daylight. After the morning hunt we would head back to join the rest of the Family for the Thanksgiving feast.   I say feast because there would be enough food you could eat all day and still have enough left over for several meals.
      The sights and sounds of Thanksgiving with family are valuable memories.  It shows me the love my parents had for me and my brothers and sisters to make sure we had a rich family experience to cherish the rest of our lives. 
Happy Thanksgiving Mom and Dad!  Thank You for the memories!

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Marianne Williamson

Thoughts of Grief and remembering...

As I stated in the last post this year has been a year of tears for me.  I always knew the day would come when my parents would pass away but I never expected the emptiness and the haunting feelings of loss to be so great.  Maybe because I lost both in so short a time; after all I was just getting over the shock of my Moms sudden unexpected death when Dad fell and went through the trauma of surgery and then his death.  I know with the death of both parents in a two month period of time was and is an emotional roller coaster of feelings of loss and then euphoric feelings remember child hood memories.

Remembering all the sights and sounds and smells of growing up and then proudly visiting with our children in later years letting Mom and Dad be Grandma and Grandpa.  One thing my parents taught me was the value of family.  We had a good family life and grew up to become families of our own.  I am the oldest and the only one who moved away from the hometown area so maybe all the things I missed  of the latter years of my parents life cause my feelings of loss to be so great.  I have decided to try the best of my ability to step up and make sure I stay in touch with Brothers and Sisters since I don't have Mom and Dad to talk to and find out what is going on in my siblings lives.

In the next few weeks and months I will be sharing some of the things I remember and tell the stories of growing up in a Small Northeast Kansas town and the adventures we had.  Partially I want to write to make sure somewhere I write down the memories before they fade away and partially for my own self healing and recovery.  I hope some will find comfort in my words and as I share some of the funny stories maybe a laugh or too also.

2010 has been a bumpy road!

It has been a while since I have written.  This year has been a tough year.  My Mom died on January 15th and then My Dad fell and hit his head needing 5 hours of emergency surgery only to die on March 20th.  In dealing with the loss of both my Parents I have also had to deal with some severe pain in my hips and legs making it very difficult to get around.  Fighting Pain and depression at the same time has been difficult but I am improving with gaining some strength back in my legs with the pain becoming less severe.  I am working on loosing weight and improving my overall health with diet and some exercise.  As far as facing the grief of my parents both passing away in a 2 month period of time well lets just say I have had some good days and some not so good days.
I know that the Lord has been there and seen me through some of the darkest days when my motivation to do even the simplest things was not there.  I will continue to move on in my life and I will again see the sun shining bright.
Til next Time
Steve