“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Marianne Williamson

Thoughts of Grief and remembering...

As I stated in the last post this year has been a year of tears for me.  I always knew the day would come when my parents would pass away but I never expected the emptiness and the haunting feelings of loss to be so great.  Maybe because I lost both in so short a time; after all I was just getting over the shock of my Moms sudden unexpected death when Dad fell and went through the trauma of surgery and then his death.  I know with the death of both parents in a two month period of time was and is an emotional roller coaster of feelings of loss and then euphoric feelings remember child hood memories.

Remembering all the sights and sounds and smells of growing up and then proudly visiting with our children in later years letting Mom and Dad be Grandma and Grandpa.  One thing my parents taught me was the value of family.  We had a good family life and grew up to become families of our own.  I am the oldest and the only one who moved away from the hometown area so maybe all the things I missed  of the latter years of my parents life cause my feelings of loss to be so great.  I have decided to try the best of my ability to step up and make sure I stay in touch with Brothers and Sisters since I don't have Mom and Dad to talk to and find out what is going on in my siblings lives.

In the next few weeks and months I will be sharing some of the things I remember and tell the stories of growing up in a Small Northeast Kansas town and the adventures we had.  Partially I want to write to make sure somewhere I write down the memories before they fade away and partially for my own self healing and recovery.  I hope some will find comfort in my words and as I share some of the funny stories maybe a laugh or too also.

2010 has been a bumpy road!

It has been a while since I have written.  This year has been a tough year.  My Mom died on January 15th and then My Dad fell and hit his head needing 5 hours of emergency surgery only to die on March 20th.  In dealing with the loss of both my Parents I have also had to deal with some severe pain in my hips and legs making it very difficult to get around.  Fighting Pain and depression at the same time has been difficult but I am improving with gaining some strength back in my legs with the pain becoming less severe.  I am working on loosing weight and improving my overall health with diet and some exercise.  As far as facing the grief of my parents both passing away in a 2 month period of time well lets just say I have had some good days and some not so good days.
I know that the Lord has been there and seen me through some of the darkest days when my motivation to do even the simplest things was not there.  I will continue to move on in my life and I will again see the sun shining bright.
Til next Time
Steve